mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize