normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
