All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
