His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
