someone owes me an orgasm
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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