her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
