Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
