i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
