I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
