check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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