Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
