Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
