We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
