weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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