Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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