I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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