I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
