I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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