I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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