I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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