i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
