i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
