Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
