1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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