I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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