somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
