conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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