I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
