Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
