How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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