dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
