can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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