I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
