a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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