I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
