On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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