Soap is not a condiment
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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