You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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