A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Found your dick twin last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
