We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
