I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
