all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His nipple licking is glorious
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