your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
