woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
