The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize