WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
