They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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