Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
