Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
