Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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