She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
