So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
