if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
