I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
