Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
