you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize