Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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