KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
