absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
