I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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