i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
