I wannas sexs uuuuu
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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