He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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