I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were trust falling into bushes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
