When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize