did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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