We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
