if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
