I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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