haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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