i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
