no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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