Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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