i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
