When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
