your parents love me but you hate me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
