do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
