Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
