I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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