I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
