He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
