70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
