i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
