A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
