i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
