At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
