I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
