I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
