Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
