You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
