She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I party with great urgency now.
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