I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize