i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
