please come you make the beer taste better
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She bit a glass in half.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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