We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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