um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize