she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
