piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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