More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize