You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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