I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
